A Presentation, Conference, & More!
I’m not sure why, but it feels like my time in Christchurch has absolutely flown by so far, compared to my time in Auckland. Maybe, it is because I know that my stay is limited to four weeks, which feels like (and, I suppose, is) significantly less than the seven I spent in Auckland and Hamilton combined. Or, maybe it is because I had an end date already determined and written in on my calendar before my arrival in Christchurch. But, in Auckland, I hadn’t yet booked my onward travel (both within and outside of New Zealand). With all of that said, as I am sitting here writing this, I have already been in the south island for 12 of my 28 days here. Wow... That is a bit wild to write!
So I figured, I share with you all some of the highlights of the first bit of my time here!
Thursday, September 15, 2022 - Meeting with Karlena from Sands Canterbury
I arrived in Christchurch on Wednesday afternoon and hit the ground running with a meeting over coffee on Thursday morning! Luckily, I scheduled it to be at a cafe down the street from where I am staying because I did not manage to get a bus card until Friday. But, I had a wonderful and fruitful conversation with Karlena, who runs the Canterbury branch of Sands. Sands is a network of volunteer parent-run, non-profit groups that support families who have experienced the death of a baby.
Soon I am planning to write a whole blog post related to my work and conversations with individuals and groups who have experienced and/or support individuals experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth, and baby loss in New Zealand. I hope to share the insights from the conversations and this work in a way that can be helpful for a wide audience to better care and understanding.
For now, I will share a brief story from the meeting. While sitting at our table in the cafe, soaking up the warm golden light streaming in through the window, Karlena was showing me the beautiful support packs she puts together through Sands Canterbury, which are given to bereaved parents by hospital staff. At the top of the pack sat a neatly rolled up yellow and white-striped hand-knitted blanket. As we were discussing the contents, an older woman, likely in her 80s, approached us and asked about that blanket. This led into a conversation about Sands as an organization and the support it provides to families experiencing baby loss, stillbirth, and miscarriage and the donations it receieves from the community to do so. The woman was visibly moved by this, reaching out to place her hand on top of Karlena’s as they spoke. She said that while she did not have a personal connection to the topic of the charity and could no longer knit (yet at one time found great joy in the act), she wanted to help, asking how she could donate to the cause.
Friday, September 16, 2022 - Meeting with Dr. Lucy Hone
This afternoon, I met with Dr. Lucy Hone for lunch. While I was planning my Watson project, I came across her book, Resilient Grieving. In this book, Dr. Hone shares a growing body of research that has revealed our capacity for resilient grieving. She comes at this work from both a professional and personal perspective, as a resilience and positive psychology researcher and mother whose daughter was killed in a car crash at the age of 12. I even included a quote from this book in my application essays for my Watson project - “Death is everywhere and it happens to us all; all those we love will die or have died. It is both certain and, at times, horrifically random.”
It was very special to get to meet in person during my time in New Zealand. During our conversation, we discussed who the target audience is for “resilient grieving”, some differences in bereavement care in the US and NZ, and the perspective that travel offers.
If you haven’t heard of Dr. Lucy Hone before, I would recommend checking out her TED Talk: 3 Secrets of Resilient People.
Sunday, September 18, 2022 - Miscarriage Matters NZ
Along with 13 other volunteers, on Sunday I participated in a volunteer day “working bee” for Miscarriage Matters NZ. This is a charity that is striving to be a voice for miscarriage in New Zealand, advocating for positive change, connecting with exisiting resources, supporting midwives, offering information, and donating care packages to be handed out to those who experience miscarriage.
This working bee was to help assemble all of the pieces that go into those care packages. To start off the day, we were all grounded in the work by listening to feedback from midwives and women who have received the care packages and wrote to share their appreciation. Then, I was put on the team tasked with rolling seed balls, which are small spheres of soil packed together containing wildflower seeds. These can easily be broken up and/or just thrown out into a garden as a low-maintenance memorial.
After we completed this, we wrote cards to go inside the packs and then assembled them before the whirlwind four-hour day came to an end! I’m really honored to be able to join the team from MMNZ again in about a week to volunteer at their Butterfly Fun Run.
Tuesday, September 20, 2022 - Presentation for the Paediatric Palliative Care Education Forum
Turning back the clock a bit, when I was observing the pediatric palliative care team at Starship in Auckland during my first two weeks in New Zealand, I was told about this Paediatric Palliative Care Education Forum. This is a zoom meeting (previously in person) that happens on the third Tuesday of every month where a speaker is invited to share on all sorts of different topics, including physical symptom management, psychosocial, spiritual and cultural care, ethical issues, and quality initiatives. It is a national forum for health professionals with an interest in paediatric palliative care. Before I left Starship, I was asked if I might be interested in presenting at the September forum. Of course, I said yes, but I wasn’t quite sure what I was getting myself into… I mean, I would be presenting to professionals from all across the entire country on a topic which I have limited experience in, but in which they are experts. When I tuned into the August session, there were over 60 people on the call. Oh boy!
Well, part of me thought that they might find someone they’d prefer to have speak over me or simply forget before the time came for the September session. They didn’t. And, which I am pleased about, because it was an amazing experience! I know that this will evoke some jealousy, but I don’t actually get nervous about public speaking or giving presentations. However, I did stress a bit about the content I would be sharing. I wanted to make sure that I provided an interesting perspective that could be useful for those who tuned in to listen to me.
Despite some technical difficulties that caused me to start about 6 minutes late and not be able to share my slideshow on the screen while presenting, I think it went well, all things considered. But if you are reading this within a month of when I am posting it, you can judge it out for yourself here. If you are reading this after a month of me posting it, you can judge how well I did by watching the recording here.
Wednesday, September 21, 2022 - 185 Empty White Chairs
I had a free day on Wednesday, so I used the opportunity to explore Christchurch Central City. But, before I made my way to the more typical tourist destinations of the art museum, Riverside Market, New Regent Street, and hopping on and off the tram, I spent an hour at the memorial art exhibit honoring the 185 individuals who died in the 2011 Christchurch earthquake. If you ever find your way to Christchurch, please pay a visit here. It is a beautiful and powerful depiction of grief and loss.
Thursday, September 22, 2022 - Death Doula Dinner
This evening kicked off the events surrounding the 3rd iteration of the Death Matters Conference in Christchurch. It may seem like I planned my time in New Zealand around being here when this conference was going to happen, given its relevance, but actually timelines just lined up pretty serendipitously! I got to join in on a networking event and dinner with end-of-life and death doulas from all across New Zealand (and some from Australia) who traveled to Christchurch for the conference festivities. For those of you who don’t know, after I graduated from Oberlin and before I left for my Watson year, I completed a course from the University of Vermont to become a certified end-of-life doula. This is someone who provides practical and emotional support to an individual through the end-of-life process. While I haven’t acted in this role, it is a nice background to have as I go through this project.
It was lovely to meet all of these women and learn about the variety of ways that they provide support to individuals, families, and their communities. I engaged in some interesting conversations around the unique challenges that some of the doulas face in offering their services (and that the challenges encountered in providing/receiving end-of-life care) based on their geographical location. We discussed what motivated their work, ways they want to build a community between themselves, and their vision for the future of end-of-life care and support in New Zealand and globally.
Friday, September 23, 2022 - Death Matters Conference
Conference day! I signed up to attend this conference while still in the states and feeling like I couldn’t actually imagine ever being able to get on a plane to leave, with all of the logistical hurdles I was wading through at the moment. So, it feels like a bit of an accomplishment to have even made it to this day, in Christchurch, NZ, in the first place.
Man, was this day FULL. It was a one day conference that could have easily spanned three days. Over the course of the 8-hour day, I listened to 7 presentations, attended 2 Q&As, had countless interesting conversations, and filled six pages of my journal with notes and quotes. Given that summary, I think it is clear that I am unable to recount everything that I am taking away from this conference. But I will pass on a number of quotes and snippets that stand out, for a variety of different reasons, from my scribbles.
“Let’s explore death with less fear and more wonder.”
There is a culture of silence around death that should be broken
“We are born, make the most of our human life, love and are loved, and then we die.”
“Death is still a great mystery. But, I have fallen in love with that mystery.”
At the same time that it was illegal to kill yourself, there was the death penalty. You couldn’t choose to kill yourself, but others could choose to kill you.
It is important to demystify the process of death and recognize that death is not some sort of failure, especially for healthcare providers.
“What I’ve learnt through death is that everything is connected.”
The average life is 4,000 weeks, 76.7 years.
“Love and loss are exactly the same thing.”
Sunday, September 25, 2022 - Death Cafe
To round out the conference events this weekend, I attended a Death Cafe for “first timers”. This is a group-directed conversation about death and dying that takes place over coffee. My group had seven people, including me, join. We engaged in an interesting conversation that began (like most of my interactions) centered around me, my Watson project, and the fellowship in general. Once everyone got their questions answered, we moved into more general discussion. We talked about the impact and importance of the words we use when describing someone who has died (vs. passed away or lost), beliefs on an after-life or lack thereof, the role of rituals, spirit encounters, fear surrounding death, grief for non-death related loss, and more. Despite the premise and what you may expect, it ended up being a casual and inviting conversation that spanned about 2 hours.
BONUS - Photos!
As a bonus, here is a selection of some of the photos that I have taken over the past few days that I didn't include in the above sections, but that I really wanted to share with you all.
*Note: I am taking far too many photos at the moment to process them and go through and do even minor edits, so here these all of these images are, as shot.*
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Great photos! Miss you! xoxo